Bite The Bullet

I really don't know how this all happened. One day I was a carefree young lady who had tons of "friends", no bills, and no real problems to speak of. But in the blink of an eye, it's 2010, I'm 34 years old, and things are a lot different. To be perfectly honest, parts of my body are starting to sag. I found two, count them.... TWO gray hairs as I pulled my hair into a pony tail the other day, and apparently it is not possible to continue eating lunch at Krispy Creme without the end result being that my rear end looks like I sat down in gravel. I hate cellulite......can someone explain to me how we can put a man on the moon, but NOBODY can come up with something to just flush that stuff right out of our bodies? But I digress.

My main goal for this blog is to talk about topics that, as I've gotten older, have become issues for me. I'd like to believe that I'm not the only woman who feels like I'm having a MID-midlife crisis. I like to explain my MID-midlife crisis with the same kind of thespian homage that the great Fabio brought whilst peddling that "I can't believe it's 'not butter' butter" commercial. I mean, it's not like I'm 80 years old with a full blown case of Alzheimer's and a dash of incontinence. So I've got that going for me there, right?

Seriously, I think I've reached the age that I realize there really IS a reason psychiatrists start out every conversation with "Tell me about your Mother". I never knew how much one woman could screw with another woman's head. I also knew that things were changing when I began to (gasp) watch the six o'clock news in its entirety. I found myself actually VOTING, and not just for what's-his-name on American Idol. Naturally, what's-his-name did not win Idol, therefore I cannot remember what what's-his-name's name actually is. Again, I digress.

I've had a lot of experiences, both good and bad, and I have strong opinions about a lot of things going on in this old world of ours. I never cared about Social Security reform....until I got old enough to realize that I've paid money into that program since I was 16 years old. But, seeing as how our Social Security program is already broke, I want to know who I need to talk to in order to get a refund. I want to know why millions of ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS are allowed to obtain free health care by breaking the law and handing me the bill for it all. I just can't stand to keep my mouth shut anymore. I needed to write. I had to write. I know I'm not be the only one who feels like I just woke up one day and realized time really does fly. I want to think that when it's all said and done, I made some kind of difference in this world. I know that sounds corny.....kind of like Miss USA wanting to feed the hungry or spread world peace, right? Well, try not to puke in your mouth please. Feeding the world's hungry is not on the top of my list. I do wonder though, guys....if you're starving, really third world country STARVING, why on earth would you still want to have SEX??? I mean, those nations all seem to just keep popping kids out left and right. And yet they have no food to feed themselves or their children, which only exacerbates the problem. I realize that right now, as we speak, several men are contemplating that age old question......give up food or sex? NEVER!! Anyway, I just wanted to say welcome, I hope you all enjoy my blog, and I invite everyone to either laugh at me or with me. Please place your seats in an upright and locked position, remain seated until the ride has come to a full stop, and hold on to your valuables through this MID-midlife crisis.

Break Her In Easy

So, this is officially my first post. Somehow I thought that setting up this blog would be soooo easy. I mean, that's what the advertisement said! Little did I know that there are so many little bells and whistles to add on and choose from! I have to take it easy on myself here! Good God, I've only come into the age of Blackberry in the last month or so. Oh and by the way, I now fully understand why the site is called CRACKberry. This phone does everything except give a good mammogram. But I have put a call in to R&D at Blackberry to see what we can do about that. Picture it! Ladies, all you need is your Blackberry, and make sure it's a flip-phone model! You simply attach said Blackberry to either boob, squashing boob between phone, and simply snap your photo. VIOLA! Just forward that puppy right over to your doctor's office and that's all she wrote. Naturally all messaging and media costs are billed to you, along with any forwarding costs and/or extra fees the physician or radiology department may incur if they have somehow already used up all their minutes for the month. SIGN ME UP!!!!!

Ahhhh, you have to love technology! That's sarcasm there, folks! I'm sure most of you already knew that, but for the ones who are still reading this sentence and thinking to themselves "what the hell is this woman talking about a phone and a mammogram for?"....I would suggest you just stop reading before your head really starts to hurt and those voices in your head get louder. For the rest of you, I hope my first post was as good for you as it was for me. Now leave my money on the dresser and close the door behind you.

Hope you will come back to my blog really soon!!! Have a good day everybody!!!